Home Care Tips for the Cleaning-Impaired Mum

When I was born back in the late ‘70’s, the outlook looked good;  healthy baby, good size, lungs worked and I looked enough like my mum to assume there would be some legacy genetics that had been passed down from mother to daughter.

At around age 18, it became increasingly apparent that all was not well.  There were obvious deficiencies in my character that were becoming more and more prominent the older I got.  My shortcomings were not only detrimental to myself, but also to my future self, my future husband, children and home as well as the immediate and pressing concern of driving my mother up the wall.

I am Cleaning-Impaired.

I was not born with the desire to clean my home.  My impairment creates many debilitating situations; dusting causes massive allergy attacks where my eyes will swell closed and I’ll sneeze for 3 days non-stop (this is actually true!).  Reluctantly (HA!), I’ve learnt to make peace with the dust, if it lies still in an even coating on my surfaces we live together in copacetic harmony.  I occasionally feel brave and pop a soft brush on my Dyson and simply vacuum the dust off the tops of our dressers, TV cabinets etc.  It’s a sacrifice I must make to the Perfect-Mummy gods of the world, but one that over the years has brought me great peace, as I fill the cleaning void with ‘Better things to Do’ and ‘Watching Netflix’.

There are ways to live with my debilitating (according to my Mum) condition; beginning with lowering your domestic-diva standards and expectations…..and then lowering them again.  Don’t misinterpret what I’m saying either, I love a clean, tidy house, and I regularly do housework, but it IS ‘work’, and I believe in working smarter not harder.

So, dear readers, I’m sharing with you some tips and tricks I’ve learnt over the years that allow me to keep our home at what I lovingly call, “Whip-Around Status”, ie surprise visitor will be at your door in 15 minutes?  A quick whip-around will have the house looking a million bucks with minimal stress and effort.

Tips for Maintaining Whip-Around Status in Your Home

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  1. Make the beds first thing every morning.  This is time-consuming and hard to squeeze into a whip around.  Do it early as you can’t hide an unmade bed!
  2. De-centralize cleaning supplies.  Keeping ALL of your cloths and sprays in one place (ie under the laundry sink!) makes what can be a wee spit ‘n shine take a g e s.  Keep a 3-in-1 Chux scourer and Silver Scourer in each bathroom and grout, tiles, shower glass and sinks can look fresh-as with a couple of wipes.
  3. Invest in a cordless vacuum, Whip-Around status is by definition ‘whipping around QUICKLY’, if you have to pull out the Big Vac every day chances are it just won’t happen.
  4. Big surfaces are eye catching – keep these clean and clear of clutter.  I keep an empty storage basket in our hall cupboard ready to sweep off whatever is hiding our dining room table, so I can wipe it down quickly and move on.
    – I like Chux Original Robuste for surfaces such as tables and benchtops.
  5. If you must dust, consider actually removing settled dust rather than just displacing it with a feather-duster – this is much more sensible for those of us with allergies.  Thick, strong cloths work best for this task; I use a damp All-Purpose Absorbent cloth on suitable surfaces – just rinse and move on!
  6. Hide what you don’t have time to clean.  What visitors can’t see won’t hurt them.  Use that dishwasher, washing machine and cupboards for the purpose they were intended – putting stuff in!
  7. Keep entranceways clean and clear, first impressions can set the tone for the rest of a visit.
  8. Glass matters – dirty windows make everything feel dirty.  Try using Chux Robuste with your glass cleaner, simply wash and reuse!
  9. When you’re in a hurry, spot-clean where it matters ie around the toilets.  I keep some Chux Superwipes and disinfectant in the toilet for an every day, there-when-you-need-them clean-up  ::::::::ew boys!::::::
  10. In a worst case, bomb-site-scenario, throw all the laundry, clutter, mess and toys in one room and shut the door.  It takes a very ballsy visitor to question a shut door in someone else’s home!

The best advice I’ve ever been given around overcoming my horrendous shortfalls in the cleaning department is; if a job will take less than 2 minutes, attend to it right away.

Arm yourself with this can-do mentality and the right Chux product for the job and even those of us that are Cleaning-Impaired can make steps towards that magical wonderland free of dust and window streaks of all the mothers that went before us.

Check out my video below and let me know in the comments below which spot in your home needs some Chux love and I’ll hook one of you up with a $50 supermarket voucher to grab some supplies!

Comp closes 6/7/17, NZ residents only.

Beauty and the Blogger.

I was reading the New Zealand Herald online today {as I do most every day}, when the absolute bullshit articles in the Life & Style section led me to a wondrous ‘AHA’ moment.  Don’t worry peeps, you don’t have to subject yourself to the torment of actually reading said articles, I took one for the team and will fill you in.

Lets peruse the headlines shall we?

  1. Twenty ways to live a little glamorously.  Cool, I thought, it’s awesome when you can have a wee splurge or treat yourself to a manicure or get your eyebrows done.  These things make me feel quite glam!  Yeah no.  If you want to live a little more glamorously the Herald suggests you pick up some silk PJ’s $299 EACH PIECE.  Or, get a 24 carat Gold Leaf Facial next time you’re in town, or why not get your next Louis Vuitton purchase monogrammed?  Shall we move on?
  2. Next on this little list of winners, was today’s ever-so-informative guide on ‘Turning yourself into a VIP‘.  Yus.  I have no idea how to be a VIP!  Turns out, the author has given us plebs some tips from her own home to follow;  Take notes, all we have to do is add some Rose Bath Oil $185 to your nightly soak and definitely spend no less than $55 a piece on any make-up item  Got that?
  3. The Trifecta of High-brow posts concludes with a directive titled “Luxury is how you feel, not how much you spend”.  Oh of course, you just went over that in the last two posts when you spent the GDP of a small African nation on your bath oil and candle combo {Despite the title of this article the author points us to a candle costing $840!!!}.

Reading this rubbish made me realize how completely out of touch with New Zealand women this newspaper really is.  Do you even know anyone who owns genuine Louis Vuitton?  Does it matter?  No.

This is why we read blogs.  Our lives are no longer represented by our own national newspaper.  Our previously endearing women’s magazines are now glossy celeb look-books with a few token ‘Real Life’ stories in the nether region.  The relevance of blogs and their authors are what keeps us reading.  Viva and the likes have lost the plot and suffice to cater to the women in a scarce handful of the lofty Auckland suburbs.

Are we all supposed to aspire to want $599 Garden dresses?  Is that what modern kiwi society expects?  Of course not, you would get laughed right out of kindy if you rocked up looking like that.  Let’s not mention the looks at the Rugby club.  We have almost been seduced completely by the Kardashians, the It Girls, the fake nails and spray tans of the reality shows, we are perilously close to the edge of our unique Kiwi femme-identity.  I think it’s time we reclaim it and celebrate how awesome being ‘Down to Earth’ really is {you LOVE my Swanndri don’t you?!}.

Real Kiwi Women wear Swanndris

 

Laugh | Loudly | Flight of the Conchords

Oh lord.  Last night we ventured into the city to see Flight of the Conchord’s perform their sold out show at Vector Arena.  I swear to god I almost wet my pants…..the entire show.  Arj Barker opened the show, he is brilliant of his own accord so it was such a treat to hear him as well as FOTC.  It was a long show, over two hours, with an encore and relentless musical genius, if you don’t appreciate their comedy you can’t help but give Brett and Jermaine credit for their impressive vocals.  Dudes can sing!

We had planned to stop into Brew on Quay first for some cocktails and dinner but it was completely reserved so we trucked on to The Northern Steamship had 6 pieces of shitty calamari {seriously the WORST calamari and the LEAST I have ever been served in a restaurant entree}, chunky fries and we split a philly, which was good if excessively gravy-ish.  Eating and cider-ing done we headed to the show!

Too many Dicks on the Dance Floor – one of many gems we sang along to last night!

Best of | Pinterest

I’m sure some of you can sympathize, but it sometimes feels like I’m pinning all of these amaze ideas, recipes, crafts yadda yadda, which once pinned never see the light of day again!  Quel horreur!

So, I will spread the joy of my Pins and share some of my favourites with you {click the images to explore};

1.  Wooden Skull ~ Carved by Dan Lucas

2. Mystery Neon Blue Dress, if I could find where it’s from it would be mine {no linky on this one}

 

3. Cinnamon Sugar Pull-Apart Bread from Joy The Baker.  If I still ate carbs I’d be mowing one of these a day!

4.  Retro Apple Macintosh computer iPhone cases by Schreer Delights

5. Miu MiuBow-embellished bandeau swimsuit $245USD from Net-a-Porter.  I wish for this!

6.  Mixed Meaning Wedges.  These babies are a steal at USD$44!

7.  A little funny for Angry Birds nerds

 

Around the Web | Things I’ve found

I love the internet.

Black Bean Brownies These WILL be made!

Ginger & Apricot Slice

Crafty Scarves

My Side Your Side Pillow Cases
I NEED these pillow cases! {but my side needs to be bigger}

Oh lord.  For a 100% accurate {I’m sure right?} portrayal of Shit Asian Mom’s Say, watch below, funny funny!

There was a time not long ago when I though The Honey Badger was just the name of the move you did with your finger on the black jack table when you wanted cards from the dealer.  THANKS TARA.

 

 

Fun with Google Voice

Oh lord.  The hilarity of the Google voice transcriptions just about made me wet my pants tonight when Dave shared the Cousin Ed editions.

I am wiping tears from my eyes right about now;

Cousin Ed leaves a message from Florida

Hey what’s going on. It’s got in. Miss you. I got to go about here at 11 o’clock so. 3040 minutes about some of the severe got any ideologies man sitting around waiting. I am, works. I’d like to last 3 weeks. White, the walking dead man. Jed. This is not after 11 o’clock. This time here. Give me a call back when you get this If not, I’ll be on the on problem taken a shipped out. I gotta love you all. Bye.

Disaster Day Tweets

Ok, I love Twitter…..a lot.  On a bad day of bad things happening in little ol New Zealand, there are still some funny bastards on twitter that literally made me laugh out lo….. {you get the rest}

@MaowreeDeaker (this guys name just cracks me up – kiwi joke) on the 7.1 earthquake that struck Christchurch today and has been rumbling aftershocks off continuously

twitter

Random on the 6.1 earthquake that hit Tonga 1.5hrs ago:

twitterand finally just a general funny;

twitterGoodnight, hope you and yours are safe wherever you are xxxx

A very serious wtf moment

Ethan and I were walking up to Starship Hospital today to visit my cousin when we happened upon a very strange turn of events, take a look…..
I mean, what exceptional judgement. When I lose control of my car in the future I am totally going to do it in front of Auckland hospital, I mean who else gets parking like this? All jesting aside, it was a small miracle that all the suffering patients were able to limp off the wall where they were sucking down their cigarettes and get out of the way.

Hmmmmm, Food for thought Supre – even though you obviously don’t promote eating

See what Twitter and Bookface can achieve!  In less than 24 hours 160+ like-minded people have gathered to say “NO!  I don’t want to dress like a ho-bag…..even if I could fit into their Huss-Plus clothes”.  The interweb is a beautiful thing – just like all of us curvy girls that may or may not enjoy eating (the shame!).  We are hot and fashion forward and totally deserve not to feel like we are passed our used by date simply because fitting through the clothes racks in Supre is the gauntlet one must run to purchase a singlet that proclaims us as Santa’s Bitch (vomit).

You might remember my first Supre experience and the trauma I suffered as a result, click here for a re-cap

There are of course detractors – like the hot spunk(?) who cruised by the group just to check out all of the ‘Fat Chicks’ who were ‘whinging’ about Supre.  Line up ladies – this one’s a keeper!  There is also the girl who proclaims that if you are too large to make Supre’s clothes look good, it must be your fault.  Hmmm, I beg to differ, really is there anyone who could make this look good?  (OK, aside from Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman).

So, join the revolution, say NO to shredded lycra and normalising micro-mini sizing in the retail market, Cate Owen’s fabulous FB group is growing fast Supre: Making Teenagers Feel Fat Since 1984

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