Email correspondence with Bush

Share the joy

So our Besty, aka Ms. Bush (say it with a lisp pleaseth) flies in from San Diego on Wednesday and we have just begun emailing and txting back in forth about what she needs to bring etc.  Yes it’s late but this is how we roll.  It’s called TIMELY PROCRASTINATION people and works – check out my assignment grade, yesth that’s niceth.

From me:
Hey biotch
How many more sleeps????
Can’t believe it, but at least I figured out which day you were coming right?  I mean I would have been at the airport on Monday morning at the crack, all pissed off ’cause YOU weren’t on the damn plane and then I would have got all pissed off because it was MY fault all along!!!! DRAMA.
So, bring your WARMEST CLOTHES EVER.  Slippers, thermals, flannel PJ’s hats gloves scarves woolen socks, bring em all.  Bring whatever cold medicine you are used to in case you get sick cause that shit is ‘spensive here.  Bring lots of duty free liquor and your snowboarding clothes if you can fit them in.  I wouldn’t worry about your board because you can hire one for as much as it would cost to bring yours and we can’t all board together anyway as someone will always have to be with E.  I haven’t surfed in over a year.  Yes it is true, so don’t hassle me about it k?
Also I fucked up and booked the tix to Christchurch on the wrong day so we aren’t going anymore.  Dave is away at school until next Friday anyway so he couldn’t go either and Ethan doesn’t have a job yet so he and I just plain old couldn’t afford it.  But, I will get a credit on the tix so if you want you can go down by yourself a bit later in the trip.
Don’t stress about having enough warm clothes, there are plenty of Wal-martishplaces where we can get you some cheap thermals etc.  You will also need to buy some gumboots when we get here (they are cheap as dirt)  because WE LIVE ON A FARM (did you know that?) anywho and there is mud everywhere.  So, it’s cold but it’s sunny at the moment I hope it stays that way.
Can you pick Dave up some boxer shorts and white Hanes undershirts from Taj-ey for us?  If you can let me know and I’ll send you the sizes etc.
I think that is it.
Love you nigs
So, isn’t that little gem just the best advertisement for coming to New Zealand in the winter?
Ms. Bush replies:
Don’t worry about money, Nigs.  I got your ass.  Don’t worry about Ethan on the beach…I’lbring a leash and tie him to a rock…OR I will hire a sitter…fucker…we are going to have FUN.  I have more money than our trip across America {edit from me:  this is not saying much seeing as all we had was $14 cash – mine – Ms. Bush’s credit card and my former bosses Chevron card that he kindly loaned us for the trip}.   I want to rent a beater van and cruise all over.  All you need is some time…Ethan can cruise with us mostly.  I’m bringing a roof strap for him…or we could mount him as hood ornament.  Anyway, I love you SO much and we are going to have a smashing good time.  I will also bring the best new makeup that I love so much.  I got the longjohns and shit for cold.  I’m bringing Marnge for you, like I promised I would {edit from me: MORANGE, not Marnge, is my custom made Rozo 6’3 thruster with channels and he is beautiful, Ethan will learn to surf on him, YAY.  We have been estranged now for 3yrs!}.  I’m bringing my board too, fuck it…unless it will cost me more than 250$, I think it’s worth it.  We ARE surfing, dammit…so buck up and I will hook up the funds BIOTCH!!  start doing sit ups, cause I’m running your ass and we MUST surf Ragland!  fucker!!!  How many months did you make me look at that picture of Ragland over the sink?  We dreamed about it for too long!  Gonna get your Occi-Arms out, hooker!
LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU (and I’m your Sugar Mamma, BIOTCh nigs!!  I LOVE you!)
Well, as you can see we are going to have quite the adventure.  I would stay tuned, it might be funny.
Mandonna - the best girls night out ever!

Mandonna - the best girls night out ever!