Mummy Blogger New Zealand NZ

Some weeks. This week.

Some weeks are just weird. A veritable whirlwind of accidents, events, chaotic scheduling, driving, rushing.  This week, like so many recently, was the epitome of busy.  I look back and can’t think of the cuddly, sweet moments with Nixon that were surely there right (right?!!).  I can’t think of laughing and hanging out with Ethan, because, well, we didn’t (did we?!!).
I can rattle off all the things I ‘accomplished’, crossed off my never ending to-do list but I can’t remember if I stopped to do any living this week.Mummy Blogger New Zealand NZDave was away in Wellington which is always a bit crap and increases the chaos somewhat.  But surely there had to have been more than a couple of moments in the past five days where I connected, was present and accountable, where I was singularly focused and giving of my attention?  I can think of four occasions;
1.  I invited a new friend and her son over for a play.  I forgot to offer any refreshments.  None.
2.  I was commiserating with a beautiful young mum about her melanoma removals the day prior when I blurted out that my Dad died of melanoma, just to buoy her spirits you know!?.  WTF was I thinking, who says something like that? I felt connected and present because I was acutely aware of what a total accidental asshole I was.
3.  Mum made me go for a run. It was dusk in late autumn, it was crisp and cold and beautiful and I felt strong and revived.  Until I got home, then I was just annoyed because I had to take a shower.
4.  Mum made me run again.

Mummy Blogger New Zealand NZSee, I’m terrified I’m doing it all wrong at the moment.  By ‘it’ I mean life. 
I get the guilts when I try and work/blog/shoot photos when Nix is awake, yet I get mega anxiety if I fall behind on everything I need to do.  Which is ridiculous.  I’m a Mummy Blogger, I don’t have a boss, or deadlines {I mean I totally HAVE a boss, thing is he’s two & doesn’t always communicate his expectations that well, so I have some wriggle room ; P}.

I love THIS writing.  The hard stuff, the funny stuff.  The stuff where I can swear and be completely transparent.  But I’m finding it more and more difficult to just sit down and get it OUT, onto the screen/interwebs/blog.  Life’s a freaking balancing act isn’t it?  You’ve got to work through and work hard at the small stuff, the menial tasks so you eventually get to the BIG picture, the place where you’ve always wanted to be.  The hard part is remembering to stop and smell the roses once you get there.  To breathe and take it all in before it slips away, to sit and read to your baby whenever he asks, because he will stop asking.

This morning, we let it all go and headed out as early as we could manage, went to Western Springs and just walked.  We let the kids take their time.  We looked at every eel Ethan could find, meandered around in circles with Nixon until his little legs couldn’t walk anymore.  We slowed it down, did things a little differently and it felt good.  We have to stop going in different directions so much and come back to just being US.  Because that is all that matters.
Mummy Blogger New Zealand NZ Mummy Blogger New Zealand NZ Mummy Blogger New Zealand NZ

Nixon is wearing: Little Flock of Horrors Merino Patch Leggings, The Warehouse Gumboots, Huxbaby Longsleeve from And They Lived Green, Vest from Cotton On Kids

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Melissa

I live in rural Auckland, New Zealand. Two boys, one big, one not so big and 2 boy dogs belong to me and I them. I love Coca Cola in all of its sugar-less forms and I love you internet. I take way too many pictures of my kids and collect them all here. This is what I am doing when I should be cleaning or cooking or doing other 'useful' things.

5 thoughts on “Some weeks. This week.”

  1. Yup one big balancing act and I admire you for still finding time to do it all.
    Nixon is deliciously gorgeous and well 10 year old boys they just don't want to be hugged – do they? Or do they?

  2. my boy still likes to be hugged and he's 37!!…How did that happen?? I'm sure I'm not even that old. Anyway….hang in there – you are doing a fabulous job of raising your boys x

  3. Do you know what? I have had the hardest week in ages too- and your words actually helped me realised that that’s ok! Trying to balancing working and raising a 1 year old as well as have clean clothes every day has been a struggle this week. Nothing is ever finished and I’m slowly learning that that’s ok!

    1. Oh wow, thanks so much for commenting Kelly, It can only get better then right? xx

  4. Haha I'm a mostly stay at home mama with a 9 and 10 year old boy. I have no toddlers, my blog is almost dead these days, I only work one day a week, and I still struggle. Don't beat yourself up, you're amazing!

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