Writers Prompt: Write five "Incredibly Short Books"

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So, I’ve been skipping class but I’m back with this weeks Writers Prompts from Mama Kat;

1.  How I keep myself swimsuit ready in the depths of New Zealand winter

Oh this is a book you must read.  For real.  I put lotion on my legs tonight for the first time in probably almost 3 months.  Why?  Because I was thinking I might get around to shaving them sometime before August.  Yeah I know, how totally feral of me, but I do have excuses reasons for my lack of grooming…….like…..we are on tank water so I am always hurrying in the shower…..and….it is so damn cold when I get out of the shower that I pull my long socks and jeans on before you can say big-hairy-yeti.

2.  A Mothers Guide to Taking Care of YOURSELF

This is the sequel to #1.  Ethan has his kiddie vitamins, which he doesn’t really need as I feed him all natural food and heaps of fruit and veges each day, he also takes fish oil capsules to lube up his big ol brain, he drinks plenty of water at my urging, gets tonnes of exercise and sleeps 12 hours a day.  Me….well, I went to see the doctor yesterday who noted that I was badly dehydrated, I was all like, but I drink plenty of Diet Coke?  WTF? I can’t remember when I ate a piece of fruit last, or when I went for a run, or was able to sleep without coughing my lungs out every five minutes.  Being a grown up sucks.  Especially when you can’t drink wine because of your sucky expensive antibiotics that you have to take because YOU JUST AREN’T TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF!

3.  Why women don’t need chocolate or caffeine

This one has to be a no-brainer.  Dave came home from the supermarket last night and unloaded the last bag of groceries and handed me a king size bar of Whittakers Dairy Milk Chocolate.  I couldn’t really talk because it felt like there were razor blades in my throat, but I was so happy I jumped up and down.  And then I coughed.  It was a glorious moment.

4.  New Zealand’s Guide to Nuclear Power

This will never happen, the New Zealand voters will never agree to nuclear power.  I was reminded of this today when I heard this awesome track by Tiki on the radio.  It’s called You da Bomb and remixes former Prime Minister David Langes legendary anti-nuclear Oxford Union Speech.

5.  The Complete & Unabridged Lexicon of George W. Bush

See above:  George says nucula.  The end.