Preface: I truely hope all the Mama’s, the Step-mums, Foster mums, Nanas, Dads doing it solo, extended family superstars and anyone raising loved and happy little people had a amazing day yesterday however you chose to spend it x

After careful, mostly, scientific analysis- you know how we do it here at The Best Nest! – of the many Mother’s Day facebook posts, tweets, Instagram pics and blog posts it appears that however you were celebrated (or forgotten as the case may be) on your special day of Mothering, there are two definite camps when it comes to Mother’s Day expectations and we will all fit into either one or the other.

This year it seems that there were many successes, many gifts of Chocolate Salty Balls Lindor Sea Salt Caramel Truffles and many happy Mums.  But there were also disappointments, cries of ‘the WORST Mother’s Day EVER’ were heard ringing around the country as husbands failed to meet expectations which had been cumulatively lowered each year anyway.  Kids couldn’t stop bitching for ‘one damned day’ and the breakfast in bed failed to cook itself……again.

So, I’ve thought about this long and hard and come up with an easy dichotomy with which Mum’s and partners can easily identify and avoid future Mother’s Day mishaps at all costs.  It’s best you figure out which kind of mother you are as early on in your blessed parenting journey as possible as this will make for many happy annual celebrations of your uterine prowess.

Type 1.  The Mother-Me-Up-All-Day-Long on Mother’s Day Mother

This mother is the one for whom kindergarten teachers toil long and hard supervising their minions and churning out craft-paper cards year after year.  This mother knows what she wants and she wants a day with the kids and her partner if applicable. She wants celebratory brunches with family, cards with badges saying “#1 MUM”,  she wants special ‘family’ outings and activities, walks on the beach – together!  She wants to cram in as much mothering as she can on this special day that’s just for her.  She’s easy to please so flowers from the neighbor’s garden picked by dimpled wee hands will be perfect.  

There are potential problems though so be warned.  The potential for children to ruin this mother’s perfect Mother’s Day is huge.  Kids get mothered every day of the year, so their natural urge for extra-mothering on Mother’s Day may not coincide with the lunar calendar.  In short, the kids could turn on a dime, refuse to play nice and retreat into the bickering asshole state that simmers below their cherubic exterior.  As the Mother-Me-Up-All-Day-Long Mother’s happiness on Mother’s Day is dependent upon the ‘Happy Family’ experience, bribing the kids is recommended.

This mother is not me.

Type 2.  The Give-me-Peace-and-Quiet-Whilst-Rewarding-Me-From-Afar Mother

This Mum loves you, but does not need you all up in her grill on Mother’s Day.  It’s HER day after all, and she is quite happy to spend it as far away from the sticky, clutching dimpled hands of her gorgeous babes as she sees fit.  This may be just in her room.  With earplugs in.  And the door locked for a few hours.  It’s respite she craves, a break from routine.  She may want to FINISH a book!  Or start one, let’s be real.  This mama doesn’t need a family outing, she would rather have a bath by herself, or a pedicure, let me emphasize this point; no Mum is ever going to be disappointed with a pedicure for a gift.  This mama may seem like a weirdo, but she’s really just like you or me.  Ok she is me, and what she really wants is to be rewarded for her duties to family life by a lack of family life for a day, even half a day would suffice.  Too easy.

The main problem with Type #2 mothers is about half-way though their allotted Mother’s Day exile the guilty pangs will begin to set in.  Hateful little stabbing knives that ruin the peace of child/husband free solitude and threaten to sabotage the illusion of calm.  The guilt expands into full blown hallucinations which culminate in the Type #2 actually thinking that maybe she got it all wrong and she’s really a Type #1 after all and where are her babies, WHERE??????  “Let me MOTHER THEM!!!!!”.

It’s so, so sad.

So basically, you can’t win.  But you can survive Mother’s day.  Find yourself a charming little anecdote with which to bolster your spirits and soldier on until wine o’clock.  I love this little one I received on a gorgeous handmade card from my friends at My Fun Box;

Mums are like buttons…..

They hold everything together!

Hold it together Mamas, there’s always next year xx