Project 365 * Day 12: Make-up Application 101

It was very quiet in the house, never a good sign when both Bush and Ethan are home. They were busy, doing their make-up. Ethan declaring that he has NEVER done this before (well, actually son you did do it when you were 2. Don’t you remember? You carved deep cavernous hollows into my Chanel compact and made momma cry for about 3 days, you had fun then too). The only reservation he had was mascara application. He told Bush he didn’t want to put that black stuff on again as it didn’t feel good on his lips. Thank god for that small miracle I guess.

Ethan on Religion

Ethan was 2.5 when he began attending a Baptist Pre-School.  It wasn’t our first choice but he was too young to get into the public kindy.  All was good, he had a fabulous time and his only episode of dissent was when he refused to wear his wise man costume in the Christmas Pageant.  He figured he was ‘wise’ enough dressed as Ethan-himself. 

We were reminicing the other night, talking about the ‘old’ days and the two kindys past, I asked if he remembered his days at the Babptist Kindy, he thought about it, noted that yes he did and was that the one in the church?

Yes I said, it was a church kindy

Yeah, Ethan replied, I remember that one.  It was NOT so good.  It was in a church and I didn’t even get to see God!

ROFLMAO, for reals.

In a similar vein, after one night with Florida in the house he decided that he had to say his prayers before he went to sleep. He didn’t quite articulate it this way though.  I was tucking him in tonight, and he told me he needed to do his godblasts.  WTF.  I have never heard this particular Ethanism before and was stumped.  He explained;

“Mama before you go to bed you need to ask God to blast all of the people you love, so…..God blast Nana, God blast Grandad, God blast God, God blast Louie and Marl and Moll, God blast you and Daddy and Meemee and Sinead.  That’s how you do God Blasts”. 

Of course it is Ethan. Let me know how you all are feeling after your God blasting this evening!

Bedtime Reading

Project 365 * Day 10: Baking with Bananas

We got a mountain of overripe bananas at the orchard for $2.99 – 2 loaves of banana bread and a dozen muffins and still more bananas left!

Banana Loaf – Edmond’s Cook Book, this recipe is SO easy & quick, which is good because I will probably be repeating it about 3 more times today!

1 3/4 cups self raising flour
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/4 cup milk
75 g butter, melted
1 cup mashed banana (approximately 2 bananas)
1 Sift flour, baking soda and salt into a bowl.
2 Mix in sugar.
3 In another bowl beat eggs.
4 Stir in milk, butter and banana.
5 Mix quickly into dry ingredients, stirring until ingredients are just combined.
6 Spoon into a greased and lined 22cm loaf tin.
7 Bake at 180C (350F) for 45-55 minutes.
8 Leave in tin for 10 minutes before turning out onto a wire rack.

Email correspondence with Bush

So our Besty, aka Ms. Bush (say it with a lisp pleaseth) flies in from San Diego on Wednesday and we have just begun emailing and txting back in forth about what she needs to bring etc.  Yes it’s late but this is how we roll.  It’s called TIMELY PROCRASTINATION people and works – check out my assignment grade, yesth that’s niceth.

From me:
Hey biotch
How many more sleeps????
Can’t believe it, but at least I figured out which day you were coming right?  I mean I would have been at the airport on Monday morning at the crack, all pissed off ’cause YOU weren’t on the damn plane and then I would have got all pissed off because it was MY fault all along!!!! DRAMA.
So, bring your WARMEST CLOTHES EVER.  Slippers, thermals, flannel PJ’s hats gloves scarves woolen socks, bring em all.  Bring whatever cold medicine you are used to in case you get sick cause that shit is ‘spensive here.  Bring lots of duty free liquor and your snowboarding clothes if you can fit them in.  I wouldn’t worry about your board because you can hire one for as much as it would cost to bring yours and we can’t all board together anyway as someone will always have to be with E.  I haven’t surfed in over a year.  Yes it is true, so don’t hassle me about it k?
Also I fucked up and booked the tix to Christchurch on the wrong day so we aren’t going anymore.  Dave is away at school until next Friday anyway so he couldn’t go either and Ethan doesn’t have a job yet so he and I just plain old couldn’t afford it.  But, I will get a credit on the tix so if you want you can go down by yourself a bit later in the trip.
Don’t stress about having enough warm clothes, there are plenty of Wal-martishplaces where we can get you some cheap thermals etc.  You will also need to buy some gumboots when we get here (they are cheap as dirt)  because WE LIVE ON A FARM (did you know that?) anywho and there is mud everywhere.  So, it’s cold but it’s sunny at the moment I hope it stays that way.
Can you pick Dave up some boxer shorts and white Hanes undershirts from Taj-ey for us?  If you can let me know and I’ll send you the sizes etc.
I think that is it.
Love you nigs
So, isn’t that little gem just the best advertisement for coming to New Zealand in the winter?
Ms. Bush replies:
Don’t worry about money, Nigs.  I got your ass.  Don’t worry about Ethan on the beach…I’lbring a leash and tie him to a rock…OR I will hire a sitter…fucker…we are going to have FUN.  I have more money than our trip across America {edit from me:  this is not saying much seeing as all we had was $14 cash – mine – Ms. Bush’s credit card and my former bosses Chevron card that he kindly loaned us for the trip}.   I want to rent a beater van and cruise all over.  All you need is some time…Ethan can cruise with us mostly.  I’m bringing a roof strap for him…or we could mount him as hood ornament.  Anyway, I love you SO much and we are going to have a smashing good time.  I will also bring the best new makeup that I love so much.  I got the longjohns and shit for cold.  I’m bringing Marnge for you, like I promised I would {edit from me: MORANGE, not Marnge, is my custom made Rozo 6’3 thruster with channels and he is beautiful, Ethan will learn to surf on him, YAY.  We have been estranged now for 3yrs!}.  I’m bringing my board too, fuck it…unless it will cost me more than 250$, I think it’s worth it.  We ARE surfing, dammit…so buck up and I will hook up the funds BIOTCH!!  start doing sit ups, cause I’m running your ass and we MUST surf Ragland!  fucker!!!  How many months did you make me look at that picture of Ragland over the sink?  We dreamed about it for too long!  Gonna get your Occi-Arms out, hooker!
LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU (and I’m your Sugar Mamma, BIOTCh nigs!!  I LOVE you!)
Well, as you can see we are going to have quite the adventure.  I would stay tuned, it might be funny.
Mandonna - the best girls night out ever!
Mandonna - the best girls night out ever!

Project 365 * Day 8:Dave comes home!……… with bourbon!

OK so we all know by now that MELISSA & ETHAN ARE SICK, I know I feel sorry for me too. But the week of lonely Jacks just ended and Dave is back. Everything is as it should be, the filthy-farm-shi-tzu is sleeping on the leather couch, Ethan can’t take his eyes off his Daddy and there is a mountain of laundry waiting for me. Drink up sisters, Daddy’s home!

Writers Workshop: My Current Read

Here we go again, I love Kat’s blog prompts!  Today I have chosen…….

1.) Grab your current read. Let the book fall open to a random page and share two “teaser” sentences from that page, somewhere between lines 7 and 12.

“That’s why women with long legs and dyed hair, the bottle blondes of this world, travel hundreds or even thousands of miles to be in Cannes, even if only to spend the whole day on the beach, hoping to be seen, photographed, discovered.  They want to escape from the trap that awaits all women: becoming a housewife, who makes supper for her husband every evening, takes the children to school every day and tries to dig up some dirt on her neighbours’ monotonous lives so as to have something to gossip about with her friends.”

I swear that was a random selection!  A very poignant selection nonetheless considering that probably the only people who will read this will be a handful of ‘mommy-bloggers’ (like myself), so who’s going to be the first to get fired up about Coelho’s sweeping generalization?  Or is he right? 

Lets see how I fit the bill:

  1.  It’s 8.30pm I am in bed.  It’s too cold to be anywhere else when hubby is away and there is nothing on TV (no we don’t have a TV in the bedroom)
  2. I am wearing flannel PJ’s with sheep on them.  See above IT’S COLD….and I live in NZ people!
  3. I wore no make-up today :::gasp::: I know, I hear ya. It was wasn’t pretty but hey kiddo was home marginally ill again and we live on a farm and I am not The Pioneer Women.  Ethan tells me I’m beautiful anyway and I tell myself that surely this counts for something right?
  4.  I am sending kiddo to kindy tomorrow no matter what because if I have to endure another full day of Mr 4.5yo Perfectionist’s crying over everything he does that is less than worthy of hanging in MOMA I’m not sure all the happy pills in the world will be able to save me.
  5. I talk about my kid WAY too much.

So well, hmmm looks like I am definitely a housewife.  But trapped?  I have never thought about it that way (not since the days of breastfeeding when I was literally trapped and my life was segmented into the TWO HOURLY feeding cycle  – yes it is true and it lasted one year!).  All I can say is that we all have choices and claiming entrapment doesn’t really cut it if the only things tying you down are your apron strings.

So, do I like this book?  Yes, the reviews of it are shit, but I love Coelho’s writing.  This book rationalizes the behaviour of  each nutbar character in a very comprehensive and compelling way.  Can I put it down?  Yes.  It’s not as good as last months read ‘Our Lady of the Forest’, which I loved and highly recommend.  Unless you are a Coelho collecter I would say get this one from the library rather than buy it.